Living on Your Own Terms — the real costs and rewards
Freedom sounds simple until you try to live it. Then it turns out to be a series of choices — some small, some large — that most people prefer to postpone or avoid altogether. I’ve spent my life chasing big, “impossible” dreams, and I’m proud that many of them have come true. Along the way I’ve made quite a few of those choices over the years: moving countries, building boats and houses, leaving steady paths, and ignoring well-meant advice. I don’t regret any of them. The ones that didn’t work out were usually the best lessons. Together they shaped a life that feels more like mine than it would have if I had kept choosing safety and approval. This section is mainly written for young people who are at the start of their working life and wondering whether there’s another way. Not a recipe, and not a claim that one path is better than another. Just honest notes on what it actually takes to choose more freedom, what it costs, and what it can give you in return.
I sometimes ask myself whether “living on your own terms” is something you’re born with, or something you learn. Looking back, it feels as if it was already in me, but the falling and getting up again certainly helped. I’m a Pisces, I believe in astrology, and the general description fits me quite well: spiritual, gentle, dreamy, artistic, intuitive — and sharp when needed. On top of that I’ve always trusted my instinct. That gut feeling and the little voice inside have guided me through most of my life, and I’ve usually listened. At primary school I already felt different. Often misunderstood. That never really changed. I was a “bad student” because most of what they taught simply didn’t interest me. I spent a lot of time staring out the window, dreaming of warmer places (I’ve always hated the Dutch climate). In my head I was the captain of a boat or the pilot of a plane, while checking the clock to see how long the lesson still had to go. Still, I had good friends. Brabant, South Dutch, humour helped a lot.
Because of my low grades I ended up at LTS, a lower technical school. “At least you’ll learn a trade,” they said. To my surprise a whole new world opened up. My parents were less enthusiastic. In our family most people went further, some even got titles. I was a bit the black sheep. The school offered both theory and practical lessons: carpentry, welding, metalwork, electrical installation. I became eager to learn these skills, and because of my sense of fairness they made me class representative. As a handy guy with two right hands, the place suited me perfectly. Those three years have been useful my entire life. While many of my peers were still at university, I was already on a year-long trip around the world — paid for by myself (from the sale of the ship Zorg & Vlijt), while they still had huge student loans to pay back once their 9-to-5 jobs started. Talking about Freedom!
After a few lost years at the art academy in the hippie period (lots of parties, sex, drugs and rock & roll), I slowly grew up. Coming from a proper middle-class family, my way of thinking clashed hard enough that I left home at 16 and started living on my own. My parents struggled with their hippie son and saw a dark future for me. I earned money doing renovation jobs, which went well. After a few wild years in a hippie house with ten other people, it was time for more serious steps. Those years were actually among the best of my life — I learned so much, met every layer of society.
One thing was clear: I would never have a 9-to-5 job, and I would never work for a boss. So together with my first wife I bought an old inland barge, Zorg & Vlijt, and turned it into a beautiful sailable houseboat. The rest is history — and what this website is about.
Back to Freedom & Choices.
If any of this feels familiar — if you recognise yourself in parts of it — then I hope my experiences and this website can help you choose a life where you are in charge, where you make the decisions, and where that eventually leads to a freer and more pleasant life. You decide. Not someone else, no matter what they think. You’ll hear that a lot: people telling you you’re crazy because they would do it differently.
A practical note: make sure you earn enough money to actually be able to make certain choices. Living with too little money is deeply unpleasant. I don’t care much about luxury, but “having things reasonably well sorted” does suit me. Think carefully about what kind of work you enjoy and what you’re good at. Only look for work that fits you. If your gut says no, say no. Life is a continuous series of choices. Every day.
If you want to work independently you’ll also have to choose the form: self-employed, a company, or something else. Do proper research. There are pitfalls, especially with taxes. The internet (and AI) can help, but don’t believe everything. This part is technical and administrative, but important.
Dream big. It sounds a bit silly, but it helps more than people think. If you have a clear goal and it almost becomes an obsession, imagine yourself already there. See yourself in that place, that country, that situation. The path becomes clearer and easier to walk. Your enthusiasm carries you.
I’ve never minded hard work, but on my own terms and in my own rhythm. One way that worked for us for years was taking on projects: work hard, finish the job properly, make the client happy, then take time off to travel. Half the year in Europe, half the year in New Zealand or Asia. Choices again.
For a while we also bought, renovated and sold houses. We were lucky with the timing. Later, after we emigrated to France in 1999, Agnes and I worked as independent real estate agents for Orpi for five years and sold 120 properties. When we told people in the Netherlands we were leaving for France, the usual comments came: “You’ll leave with not enough money,“ “You’ll come back with your tail between your legs.” Luckily we didn’t listen.
You can read more about that period on the site; mytimewander.com/my-90s-journey/ under “Real Estate in France.” Those golden times are gone, but new possibilities keep appearing. Some people now make good money on YouTube or other platforms. If you see that others can do it, it’s probably not impossible. The important part is finishing what you start — down to the last detail. Something half-finished rarely sells well.
I could go on for hours, but the core is simple: choose freedom if that feels right for you. It won’t make life easier in every way, but it can make it more yours. Listen to your instinct. Make the choices that fit you. And don’t be surprised if people think you’re crazy.
You have to give luck a chance.
Enjoy wandering through My Time Wander.